Sunshine on my window

”Far too long I’ve been in a sad and sorrow surrounding. Had a great talk with my shining star that made me realized I need to let loose. I know that a lot of people have been saying this to me. But I couldn’t care less. Family, friends and even adk2. but it took true patients and perseverance to make me change to a better and improve person. That will be another post altogether.”

from my recent post. so here it is:

Ive been surrounded by a lot of negativity. Its been along time. So sometimes it becomes a habit to be a little depressive. Yeah I know its bad in the long run and I'm changing my ways. Its for a better me. Well when you felt wanted, loved and appreciated then it totally change 180° away from the negative aspect.

I'm happy with the new me. I'm calmer and never felt so wanted. People always consider me as the emo one. Maybe its because I never open up. But that has all change. Thanks to YOU. Would like to thank you for lifting my spirits and drive me to be better than I was. Hopefully I've done the same to you too. Love You...!

You Got Me by One Block Radius

You Got Me
No need to wonder why.
Don't have to question,
So leave your worried mind

Now I don't wanna lose you,
But I'm tryin' do, what I gotta do, do.
I know the style of my life might confuse you.
And I don't blame you one bit.
I don't even say nothin' when you tripp.

But I thought I told you?
You can put it on my shoulder's, I can hold you.
And I don't care who all believes me, I'ma show you.
Momma it's been a long time.
My leadin', bangin boys about to shine,
All up on my grind.
Gotta get this money what door, just a little crack.
I'm gonna kick it in and make some noise, baby I'll be back.
Gotta keep you movin' ma,
That's how we do it ma,
We chasin' dreams and makin wishes,
I'm your shootin' star.

Now I don't really want to leave you right now,
And I don't even really wanna go.
And I don't even wanna see you cry now,
Baby you should, already know.
Sooo.

You Got Me, (You know that you got me)
No need to wonder why. ( No reason to wonder why)
Don't ever question, (You ain't got to question)
So leave your worried mind (It'll be alright)
((Repeat))

No cooking required

I’ve been listening to a totally different genre lately. You might say I’m following aina’s footstep. Yes people, I’m listening to a lil jazz. There’s a program on Traxx FM call the ‘Jazz Kitchen - no cooking required’. Just say I’m sick and tired of all those gaga, and pop ish. On Jazz Kitchen, there’s tons of cool new style of tunes that is away from the mainstream. Other than that, there is also some R&B and Soul. It’s very calming with less angst and sorrow. Still slow, but at least in a positive manner.

changing to a better me. And im loving it. TETUKA...!

Gabai Gaban! waterfall....!

It was a totally impromptu day as I got nothing planned to do. So as usual, I made myself useful. I tried to help out Yat with her upcoming test next Tuesday. Hopefully she pass this time around. A lil role play. All the sudden, awien ask me to go gabai. Gabai is actually a river. Sg gabai has a beautiful waterfall which placed in between Ampang and Kajang I guess. Batu 14 Hulu Langat. Yes people, im from hulu… so what…! As he caught me off guard, I was like

“huh..? u sure? I looks like it gonna rain..?” as usual ill hesitate of going to such thing and try to make some excuse. That’s just me.

Then edgar said he’ll tag along too. So it’s on. I suppose I’m taking fizah’s style on things. The ‘jom attitude’. At first, all I wanted to do there was write some ish as it might gave me some inspiration bout stuff. Need some time off to clear my mind anyway. Far too long I’ve been in a sad and sorrow surrounding. Had a great talk with my shining star that made me realized I need to let loose. I know that a lot of people have been saying this to me. But I couldn’t break thru. Family, friends and even adk2. but it took true patients and perseverance to make me change to a better and improve person. That will be another post altogether.

We just finish working out ok. Of cause we hungry. Pt like us eat at least 6 times per day (yeah I do! full meal ok) Awien said we go eat there then we dip in the pool. We went down uptown around 315 and reach gabai around 4.25. then one stall after another we pass, with a musical hungry stomach. Sorry ed! It was pouring all the way from curve area till ampang. But remarkably as we reach sg gabai, there was not even a drop. I was like ‘huh…? ! what gives…?’

Had some goring pisang, keropok leko b4 our climb. It took us at least 15min just to climb those high stairs. Well almost to the top that is. Other than that, we have to climb the rocks. Since we were still munching the goodies to avoid dying from starvation, we kept on climbing. Its really hard to skip 2 stair case and eat at the same time. We were totally out of breath. Most of the mak cik , akak and other people, had several stop before they reach on top. I was like, promoting us 3.

‘fitness first anyone…?hahhahahahaa… biggest loser asia baby….!’

The view was superbly beautiful. Such creation made by god. It makes u feel so small. yet we tend to act like we know all or we own the world.


We put our bags on the other side of the river. It was so, cococold…..! surprisingly I didnt feel it at the first dip. The other two did. The said it was so cold, that they don’t immediately go for it.. Must be my body temp I suppose. It’s always warm and heated up. After siting right under the water fall, we took a break for awhile. Tons of people around. Especially ‘chicas’. I was like, padan larr awien nak ajak sgt. Hahahaaa…. Kantoi. Then we tried the slide. Yeap! It look dangerous but so many style and all age group. So I wouldn’t care less. Some even try out to be the silver surfer. It feels like theres a kid waiting to go out of me to have some fun. hahhahaaa…. Lawaks, I know.



We crawl back down around 630. not that bad huh…? I was totally wicked. I don’t mind to have these type of action. But not always of cause. Once in a blue moon. But ill be back again. Maybe that will be my new year resolution, raid as many waterfalls as possible. Worth a try..

ps:
dierorg nieh nak balik masuk punch card kowt. hahahaa

Secukup Rasa (Karya Asli)

Kenapa kalian terasa, walau ku tak sebutkan nama,
Ianya kepada siapa, tidak ku ceritakan semua,
Apa dalam hati, takkan ku biar ia mati
Mungkin kau kan ketahui, pada suatu hari nanti

Sampai bilakan jadi begini, sungguhpun aku tidak mengerti,
Pergolakkan didalam dunia, sehingga salah seorang mati,
Ku hanya mangsa bencana, tidak siapa ambil peduli,
Apa yang tersirat, didalam hati nurani

Biarkan ku sahaja, kerana aku tak terdaya,
Apa-apa rancangan mereka, ku tutup sebelah mata,
Selagi tidak diganggu, diriku, rakan dan keluarga
Kesengsaraan kami disini, akan terbela juga akhirnya

Creep by Radiohead

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so f***in' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so f***in' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here,

ohhhh, ohhhh
She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so f***in' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here...

ps:
i kno i am 1..
but it dosent change how i feel for you

Sleeping Angel (Original Rhyme)

As I cry dry tears beside my cheek,
Words so fast, what have I speak,
If you go silent, I will always freak,
Cause I’m deeply in love and it’s you that I seek

Please forgive me, for what I’m not,
Didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s not even a plot,
But again and again, I simply being caught,
All of a sudden, situation became hot,

miss you so much, it’s you I care so deep,
I tried my best, for your good night sleep,
To make you calm, so that I could keep
You in my heart, though I’m just a creep.

return to innocent

I dearly miss my coaching days. Last night something unexpected happen. I was coaching this 12 year old kid. I was drinking this smoothies of pineapple, banana and mango. I gave her a sip, then she took 2^nd and 3^rd. I don’t mind. then all the sudden she decided to take it all and cough. She said, ‘I think I got h1n1 symptom. So abg jaa cannot drink it anymore’ I was like, shoot. I got hustle by a kid..? no way mann. I took it and finish it right away. Kids and their innocence. Just want to straggle each and 1 of them. grrr…. But it makes me remind to all those years I was dealing with kids and teenagers.

This is a picture rewind to reminisce those session of:

‘stairs to the summit’,

gym session @ msns,

raya celebration pot luck session @ the alley

bowling competition

and cam whoring session

Back then the single club

I miss all that session.

Where people are pure and dare to be weird.

Return to innocent

Though I wasn’t happy as a person then,

but at lest I have those darn kids to make me smile and laugh when times were rough.

Happy new year people...!

Would just like to take this opportunity to wish a very happy new year to every one around. New resolution.? Is not to have one. But simply do better then what last year stored for me. Don’t want to hope it to happen, but to MAKE IT happen.

Salam muharram. Dunt 4get to fast on the 10, in conjunction of Asyura day

Why should I?

All this while I was considered ok. Not much of a trouble maker, neither am I an angel. I manage my life well, but sometimes meet up with a few speed bump here and there. That's is just human. Cant expect me to be perfect. Tho I tried to be. But till when?

I never ask so much in this life. Just that I hope people could accept me for who I am. If they don't simply stay away from me. Everyone crave for that. Including you. I never did you wrong to start with. So please don't let me hate you. I respect everyone in this life including my enemy. Simply because, there are just human. Fill with FLAWS and sometimes EMPTY sense of consideration.

I accept if it is faith, with all my heart. So please do the same on other peoples life. I pray to Allah that this thing will be done soon and with no string attached. And we human would treat people equally. Amin.

to be or not to be

Last weekend I got the privileged to watch Theater : Natrah – “cinta dan air mata” @ Istana Budaya for the 2^nd time. Yurrp, back to theater again. Directed by the famous Eirma Fatima.

A story bout a dutch girl who was given away to a Malay silk merchant during the trouble times during the invasion of Japanese army to Indonesia. Natrah was brought over to Kemaman and brought up as a muslimin with the help of the adopted mother. The bio parents came about to know that she was still alive and want her back with them. As they argue and struggle about parenting rights, religion and love totally made the poor little Natrah confuse. As her heart is at Malaya (that time around) but was force to go back to let go her childhood life and back to Holland. She ended up converting back to Catholic as she was still under age according to the dutch law.

She just pass away early this year. This living legend, died of leukemia. She was emotional turmoiled as she tried to commit suicide several time. Its a very heavy story line but excellently done with the colorful dance choreography and dialog that is so simple but yet made you think. Though the level of the dance routine sometimes overshadow the main character which makes the stage very crowded.

Since it was the second time I watched it, I found out there's was a small different where the main character Natrah fell onto the adopted mum Aminah during the last struggle. But it was superbly covered. What people don't know don't hurt. Among of the all star actors and actress are Maya Karin, Remy Ishak, Sofea Jane, Umie Aida.

well that's what I think about the show of cause. Who am I..? just a spectator.

After that, thanks to mummy we had supper at the VIP room together with all the producer and also my significant other. It was so awkwardly for us to be there. But we had the table for our self. Till next theater. Other place plz. Dewan Bandaraya ker DBP ker.who knows

want you back (backdated original rhyme)

Miss you so, just to let you know,
Made me regret, for letting you go,
The biggest apology, to you I owe,
The secrets we kept and the promise we vow,

Why did I, ever leave you there,
When we know, we’re the perfect pair,
You were always there, just to show you care,
What we had was great, and ever so rare

So please believe me, that I want you back,
My love is sincere, and it’s a fact,
Do forgive me, for what I’m lack,
The last thing I want, is to see you pack

ps:
its not my story OK...!
this is actually a rhyme i made way back when (2years ago)
but never got the chance to be publish.
for one of my adik who was having relationship trouble.
and supprisingly, she is now back together again with the boyfriend.


dedicated to my adik.
Miss Rinee & Kenneth
let it last till the end.

Wild boy

What a Saturday it was. Just to let you know, I had a much unexpected day. As I woke up, my mum ask me to chop off the tree behind my house. It was actually strike down by lightning, so it was split up into 3 and fell down to the neighbor’s courtyard. I wasn’t around to do it on the weekdays. So that morning I was suddenly woke up from bed (on a lay back Saturday morning) just to get it done. All I had was a parang. Imagine the tree was as big as a 17’ monitor in diameter and around 20ft high. It was a really huge tree ok. That time around I was literally doing ‘wood chop’ (name of an exercise for abs/obliques).


As I was doing it, my right hand was swelling due to friction and such. Ended up I use my left hand half way. My left hand isn’t that strong. So as I was chopping the block, I suddenly let go off my grip. The parang suddenly fell down in fell onto my abs. arghhh…..! thank god it was abit blunt as I climb down the ladder slowly and absorbing the impact. It took me a total time of 46min to get it done. I got 4 scars on my arms and 7 ant’s bite. It was awesome….! It felt like been attack by a wolf or something as the scars are like ive been clawed.


Later that nite we had our pt jungle bbq party. It was at Kemensah behind Zoo Negara in Ampang. This is in conjunction the pt team hit budget 2 months in a row. So it’s the a guesture of thanks by our FM Awien. Ive arrived at the zoo enterance at 7pm. But I only reach the site 47min later. I got lost 4 times. Apparently some people gave ‘great’ direction and leaving all the important details. All they said was, after the zoo, go left and straight till the end. And the route was dammed creepy ok. As I got lost 3 times, I went almost to the end of the world. i almost gave up finding the place.


A total of 9 pt and 2 foh came by. It took them 2 hours to get the fire started. Then after a few rounds of hot dogs and chicken, the fellers went in for a dip in the nearby river. They were having so much fun and left me to cook everything else. It seems like forever to cook 6 chicken, 120 hotdogs and 40 burgers. Yup people, that’s all we had, no carbs (carbo) at all. Talking bout loading. Bahahhahhaaa…… took plenty of picture. Around 124 or so. Here is some of it.




Went back around 12. Was so creepy that I blast off without waiting for the others. Most of them stayed back at the chalet. Next time do it in the morning k…!

it was a great outdoor challenge for me. wouldnt meind to do it again

Afterglow by INXS

Here I am,
Lost in the light of the moon,
That comes through my window.

Bathed in blue,
The walls of my memory divides,
The thorns from the roses.
It's you and the roses.

[CHORUS]
Touch me and I will follow,
In your afterglow.
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go.
I will find my way
When I see your eyes,
Now I'm living,
In your afterglow.

Here I am,
Lost in the ashes of time,
But who wants tomorrow,
In between,
Longing to hold you again,
I'm caught in your shadow.
I'm losing control.

My mind drifts away,
We only have today.

[CHORUS]
Touch me and I will follow,
In your afterglow.
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go.
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice,
'Til the blinding day,
When I see your eyes.

Now I'm living,
In your afterglow [in your afterglow].
When the veils are gone,
As I let you go,
As I let you go.

[CHORUS]
Touch me and I will follow,
In your afterglow.
Heal me from all this sorrow,
As I let you go.
I will find my way I will sacrifice,
Now I'm living,
In your afterglow.

Bathed in blue,
The walls of my memory divides,
The thorns from the roses.
It's you who is closest.


ps:
1 of the sad sorrow love song by INXS
lead by their new lead singer JD Fortune

Diri Ku (Karya Asli)

Ku bukan seorang seniman yang ingin berkarya,
Tetapi seorang insan, mengejar kebenaran yang bahaya,

Ku bukan ingin mencari, kesengsaraan mereka semua,
Tapi ingin mengerti, apa yang terjadi dan apa yang tiada,

Ku tidak ingin dikenali, berdasarkan tinggi dan rupa,
Cukuplah sudah, apa didalam hati dan minda,

Inilah diriku, yang serba tiada,
Menghadapi kehidupan, meredah ombak gelora

Why panic ?

I just love reading lyrics, quote and greeting cards. Didn’t have many friends when I was small, so I make myself busy. Apparently that’s all the reading that I could get (by choice) as I was growing up. Those are the reading material that is at my interest of cause. I got this quote somewhere around back in the days.

‘A person is not what they are on their last conversation,
But how they are throughout the time you know them’

Couldn't’t disagree with that. Usually we tend to be abit jumpy and restless. Thought sometimes its nothing to be worried about at all. So take it easy and relax. Don’t need to be uptight and workout with something that is not certain. Until you hear it from them self. I'm talking from experience. As it happen to me a lot of time. I'll be panicking for no particular reason. Well, were are just human. what can you expect?

Flaws and imperfection

Like the self-made saying that I always use

'Perfection makes you and angel, imperfections makes you human.'

and that’s what we are, mere HUMAN.. Either we are lacking in confidence, self esteem, wealth, health, looks, or whatever it is. That’s what makes us special and unique from one another. One’s flaw might be another person's plus point about you. So don’t regret what god made you be. We might not be perfect, but the thing is we are perfectly ignorance to appreciate life what we are. Not knowing out there someone is jealous bout our talent, traits or accompany.

So be grateful of what you have and achieved so far. ive achive Because you don’t know what you got, till it’s gone.





thanks for accepting me for who i am. even tho i dont quite understand why. but thanks again. fav question of the season. why ek..?

pick a book

As I was waiting for my shining star to watch a 2.30 New Moon (twilight trilogy) I manage to go get a chance to a bonding session at borders. With whom..? With books and stationary of cause.My mum always bugs me to go improve your vocabulary by reading. But I just ignore.

But yesterday I got the urge and tendency to go read some books. And of all the books, I go choose 'Wuthering heights' by Emily bonte'. For those who don’t know books like I do, This is and epic book like Romeo and Juliet or pride and prejudice. Just manage To read a chapter. And I was totally amazed. By 1 meeting of the girl, the author Could describe one appearance I that particular scene in only sight can tell. It almost impossible with words, but with KNOWLEDGE I was stunned.


Though I’ve been writing a lot, I always feel that they are NOT GOOD. Then when I read it the novel, I’ve realized that I’m so far away from being acceptable. I appreciate the gift of writing that was acquired by me and blessed by Allah, but this is a total different chapter all together. I evolve Lot from the first hip-hop rhyme I used to write. But still, I got a long way to go,

Vision Of Perfection (Original Rhyme)

The vision of you, is truly mesmerize,
Stuttering at my lips, different from other guys,
Scent of your skin, can’t make me rationalize,
Made me stop and stare, as I drown in those eyes…

The more I know you, the deeper I’m in love,
How much I’ve put in, never felt it’s enough,
No matter how’s my life, or how my day is all ruff,
You the first that I think off, away from other stuff…

Thank you for being with me, though I’m not that perfect,
There’s a lot in my life, I know that I’m lack,
With you in my life, it’s not a total wreck,
At least you give me chill, all behind my neck…



ps:
happy blated birthday sunshine...!
hope you had a great time on your well planned birthday...
missin yah now and foever
even tho if you are near.

vote me not

Why it has all always has to be bout politics..? why cant i live in a world where there’s no back stabbing, no high handed settlement, no jealousy, no snooping around about other people, no negative thoughts bout each other and such? Where has all the cowboys gone? Where politician are noble and pure. Where sports are about people playing sport and not which people want to gain power and influence. Where the people is heard of their problems and not being push around by hot shot politicians. Where governments stop killing each other and make the country best out of what’s left off it.

no wonder I hate politics so much. it only cause you pain and prejudice. what’s the point of voting anyway? Please stop and hear, to all the expert has to say. They make a living doing research about life, not simply ruin others peoples life. So to all politicians who are just MERE HUMAN BEING, do have a heart. Because you never going to know when you going to crawl down.


I'm sick and tired of being critisized
I'm sick and tired of barely gettin by
I'm sick and tired of not livin right
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired

nappy roots - sick and tired

reason to rhyme (Original Rhyme)

After all those words are placed and done,
Felt like a relief even though it’s not fun
But out of nowhere you would come and comment
Trying to understand till it makes perfect sense


ps: thanks to all that have supported me in words and spirit.
appriciate it a lot.

belated bday wish to ina 'kecik'.

Treacherous Mind (Original Rhyme)

At first I had a choice, to take or leave,
As I made up my mind, which one to believe,
Who worth fighting for, who would say please?
But now it’s over, I rather jump a cliff…

As I try to open up, and let love come in,
With all those hope, and with all those hint,
But all I got, a simple smile and grin,
Never could I understand, what do they mean…

So let me walk away, from this treacherous mind,
From things that you said, I could read the sign,
Never again I would be, truly so kind,
If this is what life is, I rather go blind…

ps:
this is also another story that was being told
by one of my close friends.
hopefully all of them would have a calm heart
and easy sailing thruout their life.

Losing Inspiration (Original Rhyme)

Please don’t leave me, I’m lost without you,
What we’ll face ahead, I wish didn’t come true,
So I kept on worrying, not knowing a clue,
It has been bothering, that’s why I’m down and blue…

Who’s going to take care, when you down with a flu?
All of your life, you stick to me like glue,
Can’t imagine who’ll replace me, I wonder who?
I would rather die, if I have to lose you...




ps:
this is a story bout a close friend of mine.
hopefully she gonna get tru it.

stay strong ilham

Splish Splash

Just gat back from this small lil gig. It’s for the Kiwanis Charity Extravaganza which was called “Splash of Splendour”. Kiwanis International deals with kids who has Autism, Down Syndrome, Cebral Palsy, Attention Deficit Disorder and etc. this year around, the Kiwanis Malaysia is doing a fashion show where in the end the clothes are going to be auction for charity purpose. Among the designer are Alin Anuar Chantiq Skaly House of Kebaya, Ed Hardy and also Jedan & Sofia Iman. So its 3 piece set all together. I was asked to walk for Sofia Iman. Yes people, it’s a runway show. So I have to dress up by the designer and model for them in front of hundreds of people. My outfit was a simple yet elegant light blue shirt. I did the fitting on Thursday. Match up with a pair of black jeans and also loafers. Got plenty of time to get it done right.


As I arrived at Prince Hotel & Residence, I was really pumped out to nail this thru. I once did photo shoot before, but never runway show. So was a bit nervous as we assemble around 730AM…! That is so freaking early in the morning. Had our rehearsal, and found out that Ed Hardy is short of 1 male model. Guess what, they ask me to go twice. One is for Ed Hardy and right after that for Sofia Iman’s. Only 15min gap in between those two showcase. Talking bout time crunch. I don’t mind that at all as that gonna give me more experience. Plus it’s for charity. How often I do that? I envy seeing my clients working with charity (Davi - Wishing Well Foundation & Nicholas - Malaysia AIDS Organisation).


2^nd set - Ed Hardy by Christian Audigler

“An internationally recognized fashion brand known for it’s trendy style combine with cutting edge, distinct tattoo art”

Woaw… that was the first impression of me seeing what I have to wear. Thank god it fits me pretty good. All I had to wear are a pair of camo ¾ shorts, black singlet which bear the words “love kills slowly”, a cool funky cap and also belt. Fail to realized what I had on was auction at RM1,695 in total. And that’s at a discounted price. Shoot…..!! Some of the models would say, “you got 2 grand on u, go run away mann…!” Got 10 piece all together and I was number 5. All we got to do is, walk promote the clothes and freestyle. Be funky and fun. That’s the theme, I guess. Surprisingly, I did shoulder and arms on Thursday and Friday. I wasn’t supposed to be wearing Ed Hardy, but the singlet suit pretty well. Bahhahhaaa… Vain, I know… don’t blame me for the accessories. The designer just put it on me, I simply following orders. With the background music “I like the way you move” we really had fun out of it.


3^rd set – Jedan & Sofia Iman

Jedan ‘s contemporary kurungs, kebaya and coordinates never fail to makes heads turn at social events or function. While designer Sofia Iman concentrate more on the guys side of fashion. They are two different designers, just share the same stage.


Right after that Ed Hardy set is done, I took off those shoes and run all the way too the dressing room which was like the other side of the world or something. I changed to my last outfit immediately but didn’t manage to fix my hair. The sprint was a breath of fresh air. Just luv to keep my heart pumping fast. My manager Zaharah said “mess up your hair, then you good to go”. At this 3^rd and last set, I was number 9. Got plenty of time to take a lil breather. The music is totally tone down, so I really need to change the mood and emotion to suit the designer’s clothing. Hope I didn’t mess that one up. trying to be versatile.


That’s pretty much what happen on my Saturday. Hectic as we finish at 430pm. That’s along time to get by. Was really starving, so we went to the “no Manners table “ with Chia, Faisal, Ezan(queen of no manners), ben ibrahim (the host) and zahara. Food galore people. The meatballs was fantastic. Made plenty of friends, but less picture. Big shoutout to Audrey who got me into this gig. Veronica and Zaharah from XZTLY! for making it happen. Great stuff people. Don’t mind to do it again. Pic please if yall have any. I hope you models could tag me up on facebook or something. Please and thank yous…!

Slipping Away (Original Rhyme)

Everyone has depression, but I won’t mention

As I could feel your pain, but manage to keep your sane,

My unwanted stress, don’t want to make you depress,

So I rather keep in, and try avoiding too much sin

Not attention that I crave, I’ve been more brave

Those dry up tears, as I was fighting my fears,

So just let me be, set me free at the sea,

Focus with your quest, go ahead be the best..

PT for life...!

Being a personal trainer is very interesting. I was even commented by one of my clients. She usually got training at late night before closing and early morning after openingrs. She mentions that regardless it’s in the early morning or late nite, I still remain my hyperness. I was like, “Whutt…? Are you serious…?! “ . I didn’t know that. But then again it’s hard for me to judge myself (though I tend to be very vain sometimes. Bhahhahahha….) . According to her also, she will learn something weird every now and then. For example ‘Ice Pack’, India barber, gym blackout workout, medicine ball relief and etc. It’s unintentionally, but reminded by many.

Would like to thanks the Borneo’s trainer, who train me with patients, wisdom and plenty of insult. Among them are Dayang my kakak/mentor/enemy (hate you), Audrey my all time motivator, Ikhbal Kebal my sensei in the martial arts/dictionary and also Edgar/Agnes my… errr… the Edgar that you all know (totally lost for words). Each one of yall really brought me up to what I am today. Still wondering why didn’t I get this job when I finish my degree. Hrmmmm…… naw, its my life…! Yearrghh…!

4get me not

Recently manage to get thru most of my diamonds in the ruff. As I miss them so much, and felt the urge to call them up one by one. My phone book is kinda disorganized. So I don’t know which number that they were using. Like Yana and Nadya have a new number/phones (no wonder I can’t get yall thru all this while! Grrrrr….). Before this I did try to call them all up once in a while, but time really wasn’t at my side. When I text them, most of them are asleep. My working hours are all weird. Last month alone, I got so much PT that I didn’t see sunlight. Imagine that. It’s really hectic in uptown. Even have to work 7days a week. Barely have time to spend with my girlfriend. Hrmmmm…. Sowieee..!

I’m truly am sorry for not contacting any of you regularly like I’ve always been. Like those time we went Urbanscape together (aina & nadya), or the time we fly kite at the beach (fatin), or fetch and send yall back from training (yana, azry &nadya) and all those time talking and texting bout each other ‘life drama’ (aina, tyka, udin & rinee). Mann, how I miss all those years when we were younger. Now, everyone has their own thing and new environment to settle down with. I can’t stop that as its against my power. I wish it won’t, but at least I’m trying to get back into track as I reminisce all those golden years.

So to all my diamonds in the ruff, I’m here and doing great. Hope to here from you all every now and then. If you need help, do let me know. Was always there for yah… take care.

Ps: to all those taking SPM (Aina&Esha), good luck girls…! Do your very best like your life is counting on it…

aina

tyka

nadya n udin

yana

much luv

-jaa-

Movie mania....!

What a fantastic weekend if I may say so. Manage to catch two movies recently. Almost similar concept though it’s two different style. Let me give a summery on it.

On Saturday, it was ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’ based on a debut novel of American author Audrey Niffenegger stars Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams. The story is about a Henry (Bana) who time travels to a random year in his lifetime without any clothes. It is caused by a rare genetic anomaly. So when it happens (randomly), its hard to know when he’s gone or when is he coming back. Henry kept on returning to Clare in her life. Regardless it’s 8, 18 or even 30. Of cause Clare believes they are destined to be together. They got married and have a baby name Alba together (with the same gift). Knowing her husband might appear and disappear, she kept on waiting for him with love and patients. Even if he died when Alba was 5, they still see him once in a while. And the hope continues.

While on Sunday, I went and watch a Malay movie call “Lembing Awang Pulang ke Dayang”. Based on an 18 century Malay tale which happen in Muar, Johor. Awang who is travels 3 years to fulfill the future in-law’s wishes as he wants to marry their daughter. In that quest and duration on engagement, he needs to find ‘Kain Masuli kuning telur‘ and selendang (which very raw and expensive). His quest brought him to Makasar where he could get the entire desired item. In his absent, Bachok took advantage and try to wins dayang’s heart with the help of Panglima Merah. A rumor says that Awang was killed by pirates. So they cancle off the engagement. Meanwhile on his way back rounding up 3 years of quest, Awang was honored with 2 mystical spears (lembing laki and lembing bini) by the Sultan of Goa. As he return to Muar, he found out that Bacok and Dayang is getting married on the day itself. He was stunned about the incident and starts a massacre. He and one of the spears start claiming lives. A total of 99 people died in that incident. The spear has a mind of it self and help Awang in their act of betrayal. Finally after all set and done, the spear stops infront of Dayang at her reach. She wasn’t kill as she was manipulate by others.

The movies aren’t that strong compare to the novel or real tale, but at least it gives us a picture on how it is like. I don’t know why these two movies were picked in the first place, but it shares a same thing. A women’s Patience. All my life I heard stories by friends and peers about relationship. Let me give you a piece of advice. Regardless if your waiting for someone to realized your existence, someone to change their bad habits or someone to make a move. Just please have patience. Good things come to those who WAITS. And it only would happen if it’s meant to be. With God’s will.

Ku di Kota Singa

Last Friday, I went to Singapore for a friendly competition @ the prestigious National University of Singapore against their alumni society. This would be the 24th it’s been around as a friendly tie between these two alumni. As usual, ill b representing PAUM (Alumni University of Malaya). Together with my alumni crew such as Rizz, Amin, Nigel, K. Norma, Azza, Ziran and also Syegha’. Accompanied by Ayien (husband of azza) as a photographer. They might not know each other but at least ill be the one that unites them as UM Alumni Bowling Team. We didn’t expect much there, just do our very best. Didn’t get the chance to tryout the lanes nor to train together as a complete team. So we went with a banzai attitude.


Since it’s the alumni, we travel by bus. From 10.30am in UM. We reach Pagoh around 2.30 to break and pick up Amin. He happens to be working in Johor. So its better to meet him half way compare to get him up to KL and back to Singapore. We touch down Singapore around 4.30 plus break, border clearance and such. Two buses went there with the strength of 87 people. Including other sport like badminton, golf, table tennis, squash, football, and including bowling. It’s my first time being there. So bear with me with my ‘jakunness’. Travel a lot when I was small, but never here. Sedyeh kan.? So reach the hotel and chill for a while.




An hour later, we went down to Orchard Road to check out what’s good? Fail to realized it is a place where you could see back to back shopping mall on the both side of the road. Woaw….. That’s a looong way to walk. Though we did took the bus and MRT, but most of the time we be walking. Simply wear my flip flops as was tired with my kicks. 1st trip around, I went with amin, rizz and nigel. The guys stuff and places. Sporting outlets and such. Nigel ditch us as he have to attend a best friend b’day party celebration. We went every where. Tangs, Happy Plaza, Ion at least 5km radius. Didn’t activate roaming, so my fon was turn into a camera instead. Bhahhahahaa…. IMPROVISE people. Sorry bout all those who tried to get me through. I didn’t even have the chance to say good bye. Hope yall not mad.


We came back around 9pm I guess. Take a bath for awhile and straight to team meeting. Ziran has to work late and supposedly be coming that night around. Still have a spare room. She planned to crash down at Johor that night and to Singapore that very morning before the games starts. That morning around 2am, the room phone rang. Its Ziran, and she just arrived to Singapore as a result of overshoot on the highway. So they said, why not go straight to the hotel. They came in with the whole family, so I woke up and pass the key to them instead. At least they have a room for them self as all of the room are full.


We went to the bowling alley right after breakfast. We have to check out form the hotel there and then as we be leaving to KL right after the grand dinner. The lanes are similar to BSC if you ask me. Partner nigel, azza and ziran in my mix team event. Performance was abit low actually. Got line at 1st 1 ½ game but then gone with the wind. Should have stick to that line. Overall we won with the score of PAUM 7 - NUSS 6. It was a close call, but still a win is still a win. Even if it’s a 1pin difference (still remember Udin, Yasser and Xavian broke my SUKMA 2002 trios record by 1 pin). Grrr.... That’s harsh.






After the glorious win over the NUSS we were brought to the NUS club house. The place is huge and so beautiful. Crap…! Had a last min preparation lunch which look sooo impressive. We wonder how does it look like if it was well prepared. Hrmmmm…… they makes me so envy of them. We went to Vivo city as we got plenty of time to spare. this 2nd edition, i went with the girls for shopping. why? a diffrent point of view i suppose. We went zara, top shop, guess, tangs, and owh so many outlet that i lost track. This time around went with ziran, syegha and k. norma. i tried the jacket at Zara. It was sooo nice, i drool over it. bhahhahaaa.... giler kan? the mens attire there was awsome, two tumbs up. *ting...!



came back and manage to catch some tennis action on the roof top of the club house





Dinner started around 7.30. But with all the speech and stuff we ate around 8.47. We hungreey.! Food was nice n HALAL! We had rojak, roasted chicken, mango dessert, sup kambing and etc. Really good food if you ask me. Feels like home. I suppose they cater to our taste bud and sensitivity. As we serve them Chinese dinner during our side last year. They end up with a boat race. We were wondering what type of race are they reffering to. It’s kinda like a drinking game. Went back after the dinner around 10.30pm. We reached UM around 4.43am this morning. Abg Ayien and kak Azza was kind to give me a ride back home. And that’s about it.


Would like to thank to all the bowlers of PAUM who manage to spare some time to bowl in this short friendly games among two varsity alumni. Sorry for any inconvenience that occur during this time around. Special thanks to ziran’s family that went down from Shah Alam to Johor in 3 hours to support the games. To rizz for the roaming phone that we constantly use. To Syegha’ for replacing me in the PAUM meeting (I STILL owe you big time. Just wait….!). To Nigel Pong for being our tour guide in Singapore. To Kak Norma for being 1 sporting aunty that we could tag along with. To amin wit his havoc type of personality that bring up the life in the crowd. Top Ziran who played superbly well 213 average knocking all the guys score and avg (mannn that’s insulting). To abg ayien for all the pictures that is so freakingly kewl cant wait to have them. The NUSS bowlers, organizing team and especially PAUM admin for making it happen in the first place. Cant wait for Melaka next year around. As we celebrate our silver celebration of 25th years the ties of PAUM n NUSS. Till we meet again.


Been to Philippines and Thailand before. I suppose every place has their own unique thing which makes them pop up from one another. Glad to be in Singapore, stuff is expensive but at least they are updated pretty fast in fashion and technologies. Super duper clean and walking is good for the heart. Well that’s what I think. hopefully this wouldnt turn me into a fashionista or something. lallalaaaa....


Ps: We took plenty of photos. By me myself, rizz and ayien. They have better camera than I do, so ill be waiting for them and the version of photos. So hold on..

One Way Street (Original Rhyme)

Do I exist to you, as I’m the last to be called?
Would you bother bout me, what if I fall?
Life be stressing now, drove me through the wall,
I still have feelings, not as perfect as a doll…

As usual I’m overshadowed, by the ghost of the past,
No matter what I accomplished, just as same as the dust,
What ever they do, what ever their fuss,
Is all that you think of, as if it’s a must…

So don’t ask me, if you don’t really mean it,
No matter how trouble, I have to face the heat
To be kick at the curve, or to be taking the beat,
Throughout that journey, on this one way street.

trembeling down (Original Rhyme)

How could I slip? Everything was doing fine,
Its not that I cheat, towards you that’s so divine,
I wish I could stop, and simply hit rewind,
I think it’s my ignorance, as your beauty made me blind…

As I cry myself to sleep, knowing I did you wrong,
While I toss and turn, the night felt so long,
Hope that you recover fast, deep down in your soul,
Sorry bout the words, that I use truly bold..


18th oct 2009

something we cant have

Isn’t that ironic..? We human always crave or demand things that we can’t have. And yet we still be dreaming bout it and sometimes, wait for a life time. Why can’t we just accept the fact is that what we want, is never always what we need? Of cause we demand for perfection, but we are just human. Born and raised with imperfection and flaws. That what makes us different and special.

Yet we wonder why we still want those things that we can’t have. Either someone, something or even somewhere we dreamt to be. But we work hard to make the best out of every situation. Moving on with life, accept inadequate of a person or even simply being patients and taking it slow.


Line’s from 1 of my favorite movie (Enemy at the gates)

“Caviar is a luxury that we have,
Vodka is a luxury that we have,
Time is a luxury that we don’t have.”




For mother Russia…!

*just enjoy the patriotism that is shown by them

1 Malaysia (is that all?)

Something has been bugging recently. Might sound simple or not such a big deal after all. But I just need to let it off my chest. It the ‘1 Malaysia’ concept. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good that we are trying our very best to unite the people of Malaysia. But till what depth of understanding do we reckoned?

It really piss me off to hear most advertisement saying that ‘1 Malaysia’ is all about the multiple food from all races that we share and love to indulge. It that all we think about..? food.? Sorry to say, that is very shallow. Mamak food is not the definition of 1 Malaysia. No wonder we have one of the highest ratio of obesity in South East Asia. We are having 9 contestant for the upcoming biggest loser Asia. Where to be qualified in the race, you need to be at least 100kg and above. The most number contestant in the whole region. Bummer..

What about the acceptance and respect of other races between one another? Like when other race are on holidays such as Deepavali, the Chinese and Malay took turn to cover their work load and such. Or the similarity of language, where you could see several Chinese or Indian from up north talking with a thick ‘utara’ accent / dialect. How about the issue of racisms? Where in this country we don’t have much racial conflict or constant war. How our forefathers unite between one another just to get a glimpse of independent even though it cause them their lives.

How about Eurasian around us which uses Bahasa Melayu as their language to comunicate? Some even have a better vocabulary in the Malay language compare to most of the Malays in town. And mannerism (budi bahasa) among all Malaysian. No where else can you get people who are well mannered, soft spoken and polite regardless of skin tone or even race. Of cause you might get some bad apples here and there. But if you round them up, we are not bad at all. As a matter of fact, we’re the best. Think positive people…!

I’m a very patriotic person. Ill be the one who would stand up in the middle of the night just because the TV was playing our national anthem. Laugh all you want. But if you as a Malaysia born citizen, that wouldn’t respect your own national anthem. Who would..? The immigrants? Better think twice. So as much as you want to say about it, at least do something to prove your self worthy to be a Malaysian.


So tell me again about 1 Malaysia.

Raya Missingness

Tons of things that has change from the last time I went back for hari raya. Ain’t the same, but these are the things that I would miss the most.

· Mami Nor and the girls’s (cousins) kuih sarang semut
· The spicy and unbeatable rendang tok (by mak cak n myself)
· Those mini movie we once acted in, directed by the multi talented joe
· BBQ night. And lighting up the BBQ pit with fireworks..? bhahhahahhaaa…..
· Duit Raya…!
· My late beloved tok
· Taking down the curtains when ask by my tok. She will be waiting for me to come back as I don’t need chair to take it down. (so kire menyalahgunakkan ketinggian saya larr? I dunt mind)
· Raya gathering and sleep over in Manjoi

Supposedly everyone has grown up away from those old traditions and to better things. But I do see those who don’t want to change or grew up. Me, I evolve to better and bigger things. No longer being push around. So I make my own moves and decision. Don’t mean to be rude, but I’m human too ok..?

It’s true what they say. You don’t know what you got till it’s gone. That’s why I didn’t go back last year. It doesn’t feel the same no more. But at least we make the best out of the recent one. Felt at ease towards myself. And that’s a pleasant feeling I’ve been searching for.

owh i also miss out all my adek2, having pot luck ramadhan and raya with the whole selangorianz (bowling trainees). i demand summit USJ be the place. we all serbu. deal..?

Beautiful Loss (Original Rhyme)

I miss your smile, everytime I'm around,
I miss your giggle, which took away my frown
I wish you come back, so everything is in place,
But now that you’re gone, something I have to face…

I do miss you dearly, never again feel the same,
I don’t miss going back, on work I put the blame,
I wish it felt warm, everytime I came,
But now that you’re gone, different face different name...

I miss those days, you waited for me,
I miss your love, the one you gave endlessly
I wish you’re around, I’ll do anything you ask,
But now your finally gone, and all I see is dust..


ps:
as i wrote this, i was in tears (still am now)
dedicated this one to my late grandmum.
may she rest in peace.
-al fatihah-

3am by Matchbox 20

she says it's cold outside and she hands me my raincoat
she's always woried about things like that
she says it's all gonna end and it might as well be my fault
and she only sleeps when its raining
and she screams and her voice is straining

(chorus)
and she says baby
it's 3am I must be lonely
when she says baby
well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
she says the rain's gonna wash away I believe it

she's got a little bit of something, God it's better than nothing
and in her color protrait world she believes that she's got it all
she swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to
and she only sleeps when its raining
and she screams, and her voice is straining

(chorus)

she believes that life is made up of all that you're used to
and the clock on the wall has been stuck at 3 for days,
and days she thinks that happiness is the mat that sits on her doorway
but outside its stopped raining

(chorus)


ps:
what much can i say about it.
this beautiful peice is written by rob thomas to his mom.
dedicated to my mum.

Stories Upon Raya

· That night before I went down to Ipoh, manage to spent tons of time eating with my gym collogues and also the kruk-kruk crew. I had food at uptown and also the 2nd best nasi lemak stall around lembah kelang (sources by: Udin. found out at some blog) It is nasi lemak Taman SEA aka nasi lemak ‘BABI’. Didn’t really understand why it was called that till we went there. Don’t worry people, it’s a halal mamak stall. Phewh…. Apparently it was Emi’s aka bosh b’day. She just got back from down under. Manage to give her a scare when her door side can only be open from the outside. So we treathen her with eggs and flour. She said we are too nice to do such thing. But then again, who ever said we were..? At last she hits the big 20.. Abg Din send a 21st bday wish to her. A year early lah Abg Din oi…!

· As usual, I wasn’t a fan of going back to kampung. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not because of the environment, but only because of the temperature. I have sinus which only occur in the morning, but I’m bucking up my immune system as much as possible. And as you know, Manjoi is in Ipoh, Perak. It’s a tin mine area. They don’t call in Perak (Silver State) for nothing. So night time, the thermometer is really gonna drop down as the afternoon feels like your on top of the frying pan. I had a room all to myself (because I’m special. Hahahhaha…), so decided to switch off the fan. I don’t care if I got bitten alive by mosquito. That raya morning, only manage to do hari raya prayers by the staircase of the mosque. As they had no water, and the nearest water source was lined up with a very long q. So ended up I was abit late. Had my bandana as my sejadah. Better late than never.

· After raya Manjoi, me, and two of my cousin (Ayi and Sidd) went around Ipoh town. Actually we want to get something to drink (we be burning), so I drove them around and went to the Ipoh Taxi stand. Where the legendary Popiah S.S.Ali was established. Right after that bonding session we went back. Just about to settle down, Sidd ask us to go get some food. As we were too bored staying at the house. So ikot je larr…. Then we went tru this auto carwash which only cost RM 4. I was like, whuuuttt…?! And imagine this, he be playing this oldie cd which has the song of Elvis, Beatles, Lionel Richie, George Michael and such. Since its oldies love song most of us know the lyric and the car became like a small karaoke box if you ask me. Singing the song of ‘careless whisper’ and ‘hello’. Where everyone was out of pitch and literally screaming on the top of our lungs. Memang bosan sangat kowt. But we had fun.

Sidd karaoke session

· The next morning, me and ashyu (my Mak SU) went out to get some breakfast and newspaper. 2nd hari raya and only 2 mamak shop are open. Obviously we went to our favorite of cause. We had some and wanted to tapau for everyone back home. All they said was,’duduk dulu’. So we place our request. Then when we wanted to mention about whats for tapau, the mamak said ‘makan dulu’. Was abit weird, why they kept on pushing it back later. Of cause who would want to work on 2nd hari raya morning. All their face looked grumpy. As we finish our food and want to order for tapau, they said that tosai is out of stock. Several customer was given the same treatment. So all hell broke loose. Mannn…. Kewl raya..

· Later that night, we went to Tambun for food and football. As I’ve promise Sha2 (form 5 cousin) and also Ica (form 3 niece) to go drive them to shopping. Sha2 wants to get a new phone and also a pair of raya shoes. Sidd suppose to come along, but bail out the very last min (Man U vs Man CT). We went down right after that game. And all we had was around 45min to get there and to make the best out of it. So went to Parade, try out some shoes and bought it. Sha2, bought this gladiator strap shoes for raya. I suppose shes going to war. SPM kowt.. hahhahahhahaa….

Sha2 & Alica


· Ashyu and also Kak Zany (my cousin) went to Kuala Kangsar to meet up their friends. All they got was ½ of an address (house number and taman). So they went all out being adventures to find that particular place. As they reach there, they stumble into one mid 30’s Aci who was riding a bike. They stop her though she had already passed by. Immediately she came back making a u turn. They ask for direction. She wasn’t really sure her self, so she asks a stall keeper near by. After all that camotion, she decided to lead them to the place. As if she is going the same place too. Hrmmmm… She was riding a chopper bike. So imagine this. They come across a STEEP hill, so the aci went full straight ahead full throttle as they follow her with their Toyota Vios. That’s a sight for sore eyes. Then my cousin asks my aunty to go down and help her push the bike together. After they overtook her, they said thanks and try to offer her some hacks. Of all the things…? Hehhehehee…. Then they meet up a mamak shop which had the sponsor logo of the Lions Club (Chinese) up ahead after the hill. The landmark that were given were very vague. Manage to find the place, which was actually a shop lot where there people playing pool and such. Now that’s 1 Malaysia.

· After the 1st raya, I had no more craving for food. As everything was either with coconut milk, or high in spices. Where’s the vege people…? Owh dear, no wonder our weight kept on going up with tons of health complications. None of us is taking care bout food intake. Thank god I got Ashyu around to team up on fitness and health. Occasionally, we would have our classic mee goring mamak kering just before we head back to KL. Just to reward our strict diet.

(me, mummy and also ashyu)


Ps:
These are only highlights of what happen from my point of view. Its one of the better version of raya. Tho not all of us were around but still, we had fun and tons of laughter. Sorry is some of the story is a not that accurate. Still waiting so pic from others of the familia. Slmt hari raya n maaf zahir batin…!