Saturday, May 30, 2009

trying so hard?

There’s a lil of a debate going on the shoutmix. Since that place is too small, I put a new post for any of you who would like to comment about the situation.

In the act of my defense:

Thanks for each and one of your personal view. I do appreciate it. As I thought this blog don’t really cover a lot of readers. It proves me wrong. If you have been following this lil dark blog of mine, you could realize that I’m different and weird. Not saying that I’m good at it. Just being unconventional in a way. I don’t write regularly as I only tackle things that triggers me to write. And it seems that I’m at my best when I write bout similar sad issues.

Being a melancholic and also having an alter ego as I do, you tend to write in a way that not all people can accept the truth. Its time for a change people. Life is never rainbow and butterflies as we like it to be. So let me take you to the deep dark realms of the corner of my mind. As it has no place in this world. Welcome to the Lyrics of a PSYCHOPATH. I feed on pain and suffering. Thanks for dropping by. Appreciate it very much.

ps: the best thing is, "I'm not even trying..."

Monday, May 25, 2009

Trouble Eyes (Original Rhyme)

You act so silent, like there’s nothing happen,
But to me you can’t lie, behind those trouble eyes,
I do feel the pain, as you walk in the rain,
You hate being judge, that’s why you keep too much..

Are you alright? You looked a bit pale,
Try to relax, from this tragic exhale,
Life is a journey, no ones plan to fail,
You’ll get back on track and ready to set sail..

So dear trouble eyes, you should be more wise,
Clear off your mind, and break off this bind,
Blast out for a moment and break off the silence,
Embrace what you have, and finish what’s left…

Saturday, May 23, 2009

dont take my sunshine away...

It’s weird to see people in this world having skin tone preference. In Asia, white or fare skin is something to die for. People would spend tons of money to get cleanser or whitener for their face at least. No offence, but here people prefer the Chinese look. Either they are guys or girls. It’s all the same. I’m talking about overall view. Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are some exceptions. But that number is far too small.

But on the contrary, Caucasian just adore to be tanned. They would spend plenty time in the sun just to get their tan crisps. Some even would go spray tanned or even oven themselves. Why? Just to be different? So that they can feel warm during the winter. While the coloured people like the Hispanic and also blacks would just like their skin tone as it is.

So you tell me. Its a blast having this skin tone. As an Asian, I would love to be in the sun. I don’t mind the sun burn nor the tan. That’s just me. But now days I don’t get to see the sun much. I’m missing my blackness. Hrmmm….

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


My head of department recently told me I have such a monotone voice. Which means that its in a single tone. No high or low pitch. Well at least most of the time. I was surprised. To people who are really close, wouldn’t say that at all. So I ask someone close to me. La Famila..! They said as a matter of fact, I do have a monotonic voice. They said I’m holding back so much emotion, that it’s hard to know when I’m angry, upset, happy or even anything.

In a way I think that I’ve live in an environment that has a lot of tones. Angry, depressed, shouting and such that I tend to eliminate my tone options. Because I know how much it hurts or even bother other people with how you said it in a various unplesent intonations. SO it’s best that to kept it to myself as I rather bother myself than upsetting other people. .

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Optik Kaca (Karya Asli)

Telah sekian lama ku diperhatikan,
Mengapa gerak geriku dinantikan,
Interpetasi mereka buatkan ku terkilan,
Tertanya diriku mengapa mereka sedemikian…

Mungkinkah diri ku suatu cabaran,
Kata-kata ku dilihat sebagai tentangan,
Namun ku hanya menegakkan kebenaran,
Luahan isi hatiku tanpa sempadan…

Dibawah optik kaca hidup ku dipermainkan,
Sampai bila ia akan berkesudahan,
Sudahlah sengketa lama yang tiada pengakhiran,
Tiba masanya kita lakukan perubahan.

my second Malay rhyme. yeay...!
to mummy, sorry about the content. Its not that poetic enough.
she always complaint that it is suitable for songs and not puisi or sajak based.
I'm a lyricist, that's why it rhymes.

Safe the world. avoid "Plastic"

Its not that I’ve just started to be eco friendly or something. I have always been a nature freak and to an extend a freak of nature.…hahahhahaa…... Ill be the one that buy stuff but take it off straight from the counter without bag it in. but here I want to talk more bout people that have plastic promises and people that is so plastic. Those are the type that has been up on my nerve these couple of days..

It’s weird that people would promise anything when they want something real bad. Let say a favor or some money. Don’t you realize that it reflects on your own credibility if you don’t deliver your promises? They might not even be a next time. I always have a trusting issue. So you could say there a lot of people have broken promises towards me. Friends, family members, even up to the government side either state or national. It’s a perfect combo. Would you like fries with that? So you tell me why I shouldn’t be so bitter and sour. But nevertheless it made me a better person. I became more responsible and independent.

Now to all those plastic people. You might fool a lot of people with your charm, beauty or cheekiness. But deep down inside you would be just who you are. A plastic! What’s the point you want to hide who you really are inside? Express you’re self. Write, sing, draw, shop, watch sunset or something. You are what you portray. Yet someone told me.

“Behavior is the window of the mind, speech is the window of the heart”

Something like that.

Alhamdulillah I’m a self made person. I get where I am now with my own effort without any favors. I hate being pity. It’s like you are handicap to do it your own self that you need others to help you up. I may not have a lot, but it’s enough for me to be grateful. Because I achieved it all by myself. At least I could always bank on God most of the time. So lets start make it eco friendly and change to paper...bhahahahhaa.....

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Im An Addict

It took me a very long time to admit that I got a problem. I’m trying to deal with it even till now. Not much people realized bout it, but yeah. The fact is, this addiction taste so sweet that I don’t want to stop. Again and again I kept on doing it without feeling any of the guilt and never think about slowing down. Maybe I need help.

I’m a Chronic Workaholic. I’m addicted to work, life and music. And i need help.
Remedy : Urbanscape!!

Jem - They

Who made up all the rules?
We follow them like fools,
Believe them to be true,
Don't care to think them through

And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

And it's ironic too'
Cause what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way


Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?

Who are they?
Where are they?
How can they possibly
Know all this?

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

Who are they?
Where are they?
How do they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this

Do you see what I see?
Why do we live like this?
Is it because it's true
That ignorance is bliss?

And who are they?
Where are they?
How can they
Know all this?
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry we do this

Friday, May 15, 2009

Simply Random

  • morning shift is just like working double shift. thank god there is power nap. 10 min can do wonders..

  • it doesn't make me less of a man if i don't do what you do. its just that i have better control. so i dont give a crap what you think. because I know Im better.!

  • bolster is gone missing. not that its around in the first place. but could understand the situation.

  • what i did wrong to deserve such rage? i dont know what to think anymore. to agree or disagree. because to you, both of it is wrong. So let me know when you made up your mind.

  • pumped out for urbanscape this year around. applying leave in advanced..bahhahahhaa..... care to join?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

what size is your blood?

someone asked me this question, just now. i was like just play along jer lah kan. then the question was asked to another person. so dier marah2 lak. size of my blood...? M kowt.. this is the reason why it was asked in the first place.

As defined by the books,
Type A's are sensitive perfectionists but overanxious;
Type B's are cheerful but eccentric and selfish;
Type O's are curious, generous but stubborn; and
Type AB's are arty but mysterious and unpredictable.

All that may sound like a horoscope, but the public doesn't seem to care

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

my gurdian angel

Dearest mummy,

just want to wish you a very happy birthday. wish you were around. but still, I'm not that free to spent time with you. kinda busy with work. i miss all those late night drive with cruising speed around putrajaya and etc.. your the one that kept me going. for that i thank you. by thick and thin, you were always around to help me up. even with the simplest thingy. though sometime i push you away so i could do it on my own. I'm sorry to do that. its just that you done too much that its hard for me to repay you. am proud to be your son. hope your proud of me too. luv yah mum...!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Local Loco

it brings you down to find that you,
have lost your self in a world that's gone wrong,
if only i could find the answer,
than life be a brand new day...

-chorus tragic exhale by cydal banks-

this is a very old song. 2004 maybe. such beautiful chorus with a very haunting voice background vocal.

yesterday i manage to get my hands on joe flizzow's solo album - President. cant deny its hawt...! never underestimate yourself. if they can do it, we could dooit better. Support your local music scenes!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mummy's day Parade

As yall know, its mothers day. As expected there will be a lot of blogsite post bout their mum. To me I don’t celebrate it very much. Its not that I hate her. But love here ever so much. But its just that 1 day is not enough to say thank to all the thing that she had done and sacrifice for me.

So here’s a little story that must be told. A bout my guardian angle named Siti Ruqaiyah Hashim. As usual that is her real name. Now she is known as Rokiah Hashim aka Auntie Rock or for me its just simply Mummy. Back in the days parents to a new born will ask religious people like Imam or Ustaz to give what name would be suitable. After referring to the Quran and also Falak (Islamic astronomy) they would give name as purest and nicest as can be. Hopefully they would be like that when they grew up. But due to modernize the name, it didn’t came up when they register her name. That how it all started. Just like me, I suppose to be Lukmanul Haqim. Enough bout me.

She is someone that I would adore for all my life. Though she is not perfect (no one is) but to me, she is just simply wonderful. Ever so talented with her writing skills (I’m just a chip from the old block) , very knowledgeable. Back in the days she would read 5 newspapers. Everywhere she goes there will always be a newspaper in her hands. Now days the number or reading expend as she has Internet access. So all the newspaper in the world.

To me she will always be 45 years old. As she doesn’t age that much. Age is nothing but a number. That’s why people always mistaken her age. For crying out load, my do mum laugh a lot. Even during news. From there her mind is always sharp and age didn’t have the chance to catch up with her.

As a single mother, I salute her for rising up to the challenge. Manage to raise me up to be who I am right now. I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty awesome. Speaking bout pretty, she is one of the prettiest mum I’ve seen around. Look at this picture back in the days (mummy and my big bro) . She is hot. Mummy always says that beauty is like a gift and a curse. Cause people only see you skin deep. But they fail to realize the more important things in life. Couldn’t agree more to that. To me, I admire brain, heart and faith in GOD.

So happy mother’s day mummy..! May you get what you working hard for. Anything it is, I support you all the way. What ever it takes. Because I know you would do the same for me too. Sorry if I ever woke up late, didn’t do as you told me to, make awful decision in life or etc. I try to better myself each and every day to be a better muslim, Isyallah. Thank you ever so much for your tender like patiens, inspiring courage and daredevil spirit. . i know you got much more blog to surf, hopefully you have the chance to read mine. I love you so much. thanks for everything.

-lukmanul hakim-
aka your rock of jibralta

Female Friends

People always misunderstood when I’m close with any of my female friends. Yeah I got a few of them. they are great. But they are merely best friends. Most of them have husband, fiance and also boyfriends. I treat them just like my own sisters. Because it seems that those types of people are more open. They got nothing to lose. But still they know their barrier and stay loyal to their partner. Please do not be mistaken that if I’m close with any girl, means I’m so into them. I do respect their boyfriends, fiance or even husband.

I'm not that cheeky nor am I too desperate. To me, life is too short to be thinking about relationship. That's why I like being single. Yes people, I am single and yet I'm not searching for love. I do have a love interest and its music and lyric. That alone can get me high and goosebumb. Nothing like a well written song and lyric too make you connected to your life. Never mind all that.

So to all those who is speculating I'm having girlfriend here and there. They are just BFF to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Sorry to dissapoint yall

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Accept and Embrace

People kept asking me why the theme of this blogsite is so sorrow? To me it’s easy, because I want it to be. Its not that I don’t feel happy and joy at all. Most of the time I am. You could ask any of the FF members or staff. Ill be the hype master. It’s just like pictures. When do we take picture? When we are happy right? So for me this is vice versa. So I only pledge to write mostly similar type of emotion. Don’t get me wrong, its not I’m always like this. Only one of the days. Which bring me to the reason why I blog seasonally. And sometimes 4-5 post on the weekend. One shot. It’s quite a hassle for me to find the time to do it at home. That’s why I keep all my ideas, post in my saved message section. When I got the chance ill add up bit by bit.

Almost wanted to slow down writing these blog for a while. Like taking a break. But now days I kept on getting respond and comments from friends and family. I do appreciate all of your comment and your demand for more kept me going. Thanks to all my kipas susah mati (die hard fan). Every each of those comment really make my day. Macam tak sbar2 nak tgk who else would wanna pass their piece of mind. Reminder this is not a suicidal theme blog. Just that another way of seeing things. So please do drop by and write down your comments.

Back to the foundation of this blog. To me I might say it out load and rhyme it time after time the same kind of emotion, but the fact of a matter is this. I accept changes in my life and embrace it head on. Ill forgive but can hardly forget and that will lead to a trusting issue. Now, life is good. Might not have branded item, nice watch or fancy handfon. But at least a peace of mind after blogging, health and a clear conscious. That’s enough with me.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sate Power..!

Just got back from MSSS yesterday. Couldn’t say I stay for long. Was there for the morning squad only. It’s been a while since I went to the Selangorianz internal competition. Its like all my worries went away when I see all those sparkle in those kids eyes wanting to be a better bowler. Imagine this, there I was watching the under 12 bowlers bowl singles on Monday. And this small little girl (lily) was bowling. She bowled a 99 and a 119. Knowing kids they forget easily. So she asked her mum, “Was it the same score just now?” then her mum said no. I explain patiently to her, "just now you got 2 digits, now you got 3 digits. So congratulation." She was a sack full of fun and carefree..

Well at least the under12 girls is dominated by team Hulu Langat.! Yeahh…! Big congrats to ayra aka Ariya and nora aka Lynn for giving their best. Its not that I betray anyone or something. We are all Selangorianz, just that I have to remember where I came from. Car Junk baby..! Congrats to all winners. To the other diamond in the ruff, not that I don’t want to help you up, just that I’ve been away for far too long that I don’t know how’s your game. it wont be fair if i help you up and didnt do the same to others. hopefully i be meeting yall up one of these days.

By the way, be leaving to Singapore for a friendly match sometime next 2-3 month. just for the weekend. need to train back to get back into form.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


Gradually and then suddenly.
That’s how you encounter depression and overcome it

-prozac nation-


We got it easy but still we are ungrateful. I’m talking bout us as a normal human being. Too much complaining. You might say, “looks whos talking’. But at least I deal and accept it in my life. I just bash it out in my blog. I don’t like to carry my baggage everywhere I go. Too heavy for running.

It’s sad enough to see misfortune that spread people in Gaza, Iraq, those third world country kids who suffer with malnutrition or even those people who are born with disability. We should be thankful being blessed with full complete set of limbs and away from such misfortune. At least we are not handicap in any sense.

Yet it sickens me to see people fight for power, money and fame. By judgement day none of them matters if you get it in a sleezey way. I’m not saying I’m good. I know I could be a better person for sure.

But be thankful of what god gave us. Every one has their own equal share of problems and strength. Just that some have more wealth then health, less wealth but more peace of mind, basically it’s how we see it. No point of going envy people who have more because they might be the same one who envy your strength as well.

Back to Basic

I’ve been watching way too many novel based movies lately. In a way, it help to open up my mind to new way of story telling. And also because I don’t have the luxury of time to finish a book anyway. Surprisingly, I manage to catch these cool movies. Worth each minute of it. Here are some of the movie that I manage to catch up lately.

He is just not into you
Jane Austin’s book club
Ps: I love you

I might just pick up a book one of these days and start reading. Call me a book worm or whatever, at least it’s better off than real life.

Free Loaders

If you really follow my life story, you’ll realize that I was really upset with some people. They are called the ‘freeloaders’. They expect the world though they hardly make effort to help themselves. Its ok to have second guesses but if it kept on happen over and over again, that is just plain mess up. Don’t give people hope if you know that you are not interested in the first place. To get things straight, I’m not talking bout relationship. Seriously.. Was talking bout work. And some other things.

Story Telling

I'm sick of tired listening to people who are so pumped out to tell their own life story, but they are not even interested in what I want to tell them. That’s part of the reason why I’m being so silent. Because no point getting all work out in what you want to say to them. By the time I want to say something, they said that they are busy or some other time or even listening but not really putting much attention. For crying out loud, you can’t really listen to me while you are texting someone right..?

I could understand when something occurs that is so important, you would like to share with the world or at least those that is really close to you. Its just that, really piss me out if you wont do the same for me. Sorry for not telling it in your face. ! Don’t have the heart to do that. But dosen’t mean you should keep on doing such thing. That’s why I keep it to myself and don’t share it that often. Rather be blogging or rhyming bout it. So if you had the chance to have a look at it, then you would realized. I really do appreciate all those who really, and I mean REALLY wanting to know what I’ve been up to and how I’m doing. You’re the best that I could ever wish for. Thank God I have a several few of you.

So there it is. The next time if you want me to listen to your story, please do be considerate. I won’t change being a good listener that I am. Plus that’s what I’m here for. As the support staff to all of my peers and family. But do have in mind, you only get what you give. Although I have given a lot, but still am waiting. Owh, it such a cruel world after all... hope you are having fun in it.

Neglect the Ignorance (original rhyme)

Its been a long time since we last met,
Hope your doing fine, I hope your not sad,
Still chasing your dreams, are you there yet..?
Only get what you give, so don’t get mad..

Said you were busy, other people busy too,
Try to make a point and the time to see you,
But you just got back and plenty things to do,
May be your meeting someone, I could never knew,

This ignorance really got me thinking,
Its not a fight that I want to be picking,
Is this a phase, for me to keep on searching,
I hope one of these days , that ill be finding

Friday, May 1, 2009

Ghost (by Ana Raffali)

can you see this cut,
above my heart,
the one that you drew,
and pierced through

i gave you the knife,
that took away my life
and now,
i'm haunting you

the blood on you is real
and my death was not fake
i died the day you took my heart to break
i should have known that you
would never understand
the little boy pretends that he's a man

did i give you a scare
did you even care
the tears i've shed for you
are more than a few

i gave you the rope
that took away my hope
and now,
i'm tied to you

the blood on you is real
and my death was not fake
i died the day you took my heart to break
i should have known that you
would never understand
the little boy pretends that he's a man

foolish lover, now she's a ghost,
drifting in despair and nobody cares.

another fantastic song by ana raffali.
dedicate for one of my dearest friend who's having some difficulty with life..
do check out the video down here..