Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dont fix whats not broken..

Recently I was asked to bring down my fav urbanscape 08 photo from my blog. Yeah the one with the “BODY PAINT” tattoo on my right arm. I ask the artist to draw “El Fuego” which means fire in Spanish. Apparently someone ask around if I really have a real tattoo on my body.? I could accept if people that don’t know me missunderstood my image. That’s a everyday thing. But for those who got my back for all this while, to fall for statement like that is rather frustrating.

OMG! For crying out loud, Don’t you trust me.? What wrong have I done to deserve this? Each one of your dictation is unquestionable and I obeyed it. I respect that. But this is too much. You always ask how am I doing, whats wrong, are you owkay? At times I don’t want to tell you as I don’t want to let other people be trouble with my problems. But actually you care more about what other people say compare to what I am saying and my own self belonging. That’s why my blog is so full with angst..

Perfection makes you and angel, imperfections makes you human. -j@a-

All my life I always mislead people towards my self image. They say you cant judge a book by its cover. But no one really understand it. So what if im not an angel. No one is.! And to top it all off, I don’t care what people got to say about it. Only God can judge me. So if you think you are good enough, stop a while and take a look at the mirror. You are just human. Full with flaws and hate.

This is me. Im not being arrogant, im just being an individual. No point being a clone of million. i choose to be diffrent. Just that you have to know your limits. and from there you work it up your own life.

Monday, June 29, 2009

My Urban Escape (Urbancsape 09)

Last year me, Aina and Nadya went to this event at KLPAC. And we said to our self
wouldn’t it be wonderful if it’s a yearly basis..?”

Guess what? It did.. Our prayer was fulfilled. Though both of diamonds in the ruff have to bail out cause to some unforeseen circumstances. Really wish you both (my sandal and sweepy) can be around. But this is real life, we got other priority to handle. I could understand. No hard feelings. So it was me, Anis, Ayuni and also Kira (a wild card). Yeah they are kids. So what..they were a handful of sports. They go their way, as I’m meeting friends there too. Manage to meet up with, davi and friend, shegra, e-nol kajang and etc. Small world we living in.

This year around it was bigger. As usual, the heat wave got the best of it. The open carpark near the complex is turn into a long bazaar. Mann… too much to see and too lil time to cover. As usual, I did the same trick like last year. As we arrived, we straight away headed to the Cinescape for a movie. Before that people from kukubesi.com wanted to take our pic. For their website. Rather interesting name. it’s a rebellious style of photography which is very unorthodox. Meet up with Paolo Delfino and Reza Salleh (I guess). Took some time to talk to Paolo just to see how’s he doing. He was shocked I knew him. At first I wasn’t sure, but seen he has the red tag on his wrist, for sure he’s an artist. No harm asking right.? Didn’t manage to get his EP tho. So we exchange business card and off to what we were doing having a blast at Urbanscape.

Manage to catch ‘Gadoh’ a indie film by Brendan Danker and Namron.. About how teenagers of a racist school come along together embracing the darkness of life by the play with the help of the teacher who is into theater. As a line in the movies goes something like. Hope I get it right.
kita bukan jahat. cuma sesat, didalam kegelapan

The art work this time is good. I can’t compare to last year as its not fair. Each year got their own strength and weakness. This year around I just got to get the t-shirts. 2urbanscape but no memorables? I think not. Send back my sling beg as its too hot. I left them wonder around the bazaar. As I was walking back to the car (for heaven sake it’s super far, near the abandon building) I heard someone calling me up twice. Owh it was alis aka YUNA. She said "going off so soon..?" as I express my disappointment with the media for making such statement about her and the bandmates. They reported that she gave reason of her uncle just pass away to escape a photoshoot. Come on people. How low can you go to get deadlines..? I confirm with her and the parents later on at the show that it never happened. Things people do.

After prayers and lunch, we went touring around KLPac and took some pic. The street performance was hilarious. Mightymouse and such. Imagine this, the scene was a pregnant malay lady is giving a birth on an LRT, and theres a English Doctor on board and by his side a translator, so that the lady get what the doc is trying to say. Of cause all this if you direct translate it would sound funny. Like the verse ‘god save the Queen’ says the doctor. So the translator goes and say, ‘tuhan selamatkan permaisuri’. Yeah I know, its not applicable to us.

Mainstage, we got Pop Shuvit . who rawk the crowd like no ones biznezz..! they are off the hook.As ive seen them live, I can proud to say that Malaysian Rawker Rulez…! The front man even mosh pit right in the middle of the pit (group of people upfront stage). They cant stay long as they have another gig in Melaka. Of all the places. Hahhahaaa….NVMD

Yuna was next, the crowd went wild. Davi was there just to see her. Wow..Yuna the Band are now ” Batu Bintang!” (rock star). Congrats to yunn, pa’an, efry and adil. New song Hero was ite. Still need to understand the lyric to appreciate it. But as an overview, its good.

Went home after a very long day. Tired but worth it. I wonder what they have in store next year..? hrmmm care to join..?

ps: last year review was pick up by urbanscape. thats awsome.


Monday, June 22, 2009

Artsy Bitsy

I don’t know why I have such a craze on arts. It seems that every where I go there’s something beautiful to watch, to understand, to realize the effort one put is such piece. Maybe I’m just in a world of my own I don’t know. Ill try to stay intact with the world. But it’s more to life than what we see, what we have and what we want. So I’m taking plenty of time to appreciate the work of people, and further more the work of God who created people. It gives me the chilled to realize how small we are to be such arrogant being.

I suppose I was surrounded with artistic people. Thanks for influencing me. It makes me open up my eyes to the beauty of art. Don’t care weather its writing and performing (mummy), drawings and design (isha uitm) or even music and melodies (aina). Thank you to each and one of you and other else (who I failed to mention) for opening up my mind to a new horizon especially in your field.

Last night I went and escort my mum to watch this beautiful theater call “Mana Setangginya”. The title came without a question mark. How the heck are you suppose to say it out.? It’s written by the legendary Dato Nordin Hassan one of Sastrawan Negara Malaysia that covers the performing arts. The script was made 10 years ago. Surprisingly they manage to put up the show in Istana Budaya. It’s been along wait.

Mum watch it 4 times as she is going to make reviews out of it. Ps: one of her review is already on Sundays newspaper. Yeah she’s very detail on doing her work. I must blame her for making me not enjoying the movie as a normal person. There’s a lot of comedy acts that were in between those serious lines. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good stage play. But mum always told me, when you look into something, analyze it in different angle. Like lighting, body gesture, dialog, monolog, set, flow of storyline, and character building. To get a group of people to react in different form and motion in one huge stage is really a hassle. Congrats to the director too. Manage to sit down with him before the show. He even gave a glance of what he has in mind of the opening act should be. But cant do it as they dot have the technology to do that. But still I try to imagine it in my mind and say “it’ll be beautiful”.

Ill be heading to Urbanscape this weekend. Hope yall could join me celebrating Malaysian Arts finest. Hope to see you around…

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Hit the chorus

People always wonder where I get my ideas from. Beats me. From God Almighty for sure.. the thing is, I don’t read much. And that usually make my mum mad. As she reads tons of news paper a day. I guess I get my ideas from lyric of songs. Give me any type of song that is listenable and if the lyric is mind blowing, I don’t mind listening to it. Even if it is in country western, soul music, heavy metal or even dance. Here are some of lines of chorus that meant so much to me. Hope you would learn to like it too:

I got some place,
But you find some better place,
And I miss you

Song by : Story about a girl – and I miss you (Dance)

It brings you down to find that you,
Have lost your self in a world that gone wrong,
If only I could find some answer,
Than life could be a brand new day

Song by: Cydal banks (Rap from Malaysia)

Together we make it,
Even though we have our hands tied against the wall.

Song By: ?

Sometimes the easiest thing we take forgranted,
Until they gone,
Realized we ever got it

Song by: Nelly – And They Say (rap)

The future will not remember,
But the past will not forget

Song by: Lene marlin – unforgivable sinner (pop video)

i even got a small book to write down chorus or verse in a song that caught my ear. my book of inspiration. words is such a beautiful and powerful weapon. it truly can do wonders.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Di Sini (Karya Asli)

Kecil hati bila ku tidak mengerti,
Terkilan sungguh hati nurani,
Sedaya upaya tak ingin mati,
Menunggu si dia untuk menyedari,
Apakah didalam isi hati,
Ku tetap disini sabar menanti,
Tanpa meletakkan harapan yang tinggi,
Namun ku sentiasa berada disisi,
Jika perlukan ku suatu hari nanti..

Friday, June 19, 2009

Tombstone of Hope (Original Rhyme)

why do we bother, doing our best,
when the best is not enough, even considerd less
been working so hard, can i have a little rest?
instead of doing clean ups, of other peoples mess..

to me its not fair, to be treated like this,
why must i make way, to all request of his,
what about my freedom, what about my list?
Something I want to achive, but endup being piss...

but the hope is gone, nearly ever since,
everything done is wrong, it has always been,
ill just keep quite and let them win,
at least i did my best, but be treated so mean...

Border Line (Original Rhyme)

Was I going too fast, or was I too slow,
Things that has past, I wish I know,
So I can turn back time, and not let go,
Before it turn lime, from friends to foe…

Though it’s quite recent, feels like forever,
Took me a long time, to make you a believer,
Never meant to hurt you, my intention was never,
Always thought ill be the one, who be your savior…

Yet I wonder, you could accept people’s flaw,
Those cause you pain, until your heart is tore,
My action was small, but it makes you sore,
Because you trusted me, it feels like been clawed..

I suppose you need time, to digest all of this,
Sorry for my action, this is not a tease,
What I did wrong, I have to bare the risk,
Hope you’ll remember me, if not ill cease to exist

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Money, power and greed

To my left I hear people talking bout money, how much he’s making or how much she spent. While on my right I hear they talk bout power and status. How this people know so and so. And how well is their life is. My goodness, life is more than just greed people. Why cant you be satisfied with what you have right now and work yourself to the top? It’s not those things that gonna bring you to heaven. Those are just temporary. Its not that you could bring it to the grave or something.. Greed is a disease. People just can’t get enough of something. As they say, too much of a good thing is bad for your health. So keep things in moderate. Listen and realized.

hip hop hooray

As you would know, hip hop has brings me the way I am now. Basically I’m so much influence with the song, lyric, culture, slang and swagger, and also thought of mind. If any of you read my compilation of rhyme, you would say my rhyme in the early days are more leaning to freestyling. So many times I’ve been mistaken as a foreigner instead of Malay due to my skin tone. There was a time that I was in a surau, and this malay guy asked me “are you a muslim?”. I was like “yeah…” hahaaa…. I must admit, back in the days I tend to dress up all hip hop ish. I even have my bedroom wall spray paint with graffiti design and wording. So sorry if I don’t look Malay enough for you. Don’t blame me, I’m simply REMIXed.

Recently I was blasting this old cd of mine. Someone realized the mix and asked whos cd is this tracks belong to. They directed her to me. Her name is Mary a Chinese girl who loves hiphop. I was flattered that they are still some people who like old skool flava. Among the playlist was this RnB tracks:

Calvin Richardson – I got to move

Montel Jordan – get it on tonight

Ruffendz – no more

Donell Jones feat lisa left eye lopes – you know what’s up

Naughty by nature – jamboree

Xavier - crazy

I must admit the truth that she was saying. We were discussing that now days hiphop tracks are too funky that the beat don’t match the lyrics. Too much influence with dance and pop. Lets go back to the old skool where the rhyming are strong and the beat is not as complicated. Simple and people listen to what the rappers got to say. Artist such as 2pac, DMX, Ludacris, Talib Kweli, Snoop Dogg, RuN DMC, Mos def, baby bird man, mary j bilge, Ginuwine, busta rhyme, dialated people, tq, keith sweat, jahiem, fabolous, and the list go on. Usually Malaysian market don’t really support the hiphop industry. Only pop and dance is the in thing over here. So its kinda hard to get cd and album.

Just got back from the Simply Street dance off challenge in the place use to be known as cineleisure they even did graffiti design at the main entrance. That was awesomely wicked yall. If I’m not mistaken, my wall designer Hafis ‘Kartun’ was there too doing the wall. Wasn’t really sure but still it nice.

Thursday, June 4, 2009


I’m never going to understand you at all. Your level of unpredictability is so massive that only God can figure you out. I did what you told. And ONLY what you told me to do. And yet every request you ask for I manage to fulfill it, even though I was working super long hours. So whose fault was that? Just because things didn’t go your way, you have to blame it on her. To get the fact straight, she wasn’t always on my side. There are times that I’ve been blame for just being me. She did mention why you don’t want to see her. And that alone is still considered as my fault. I wasn’t even in the picture. Why must I be drag into it?

So maybe it’s my fault for locking you out. Didn’t meant to. But what you did, its far more than that. It’s not that I’m trying to pay back for what ever you did. That would be endless. I’ve learned to forgive but still not forget. I will be looked as a fool to let you trick me twice. Manage to put you back on track. From there, work your way up. You got 2 feet and a brilliant mind. Use it. Not to deceive people with your cunningness. But to make the best out of life. Its not always been a easy straight road for us too. Deal with it. No one can help those who don’t want to help themself.

Reason I was a bit down and out this couple of days. I am sorry for any whip lash and sarcastic ..

27 may 09

Not Again

I always remind to myself that not to get too close. Friends or family. To a certain point, I know that this might happen. I get too involve in their life, that ill tend to hurt them sooner or later. Honestly, I didn’t mean to. Was only trying to help out. But it’s always has been the case. i have betray your trust. I’m ultimately sorry for all the pain that I’ve cause you. Sometimes I think that you would deserve a better friend or guardian. I know that this has happened before. I wont be mad at you if you’ve choose to be distant from me. Suppose I deserved it. I always thought that I could protect or at least comfort when you encounter problems or difficulty. Never to realized that I’m part of the problem. I know my apology doesn’t mean a thing to you, but I’m just accepting the way I am. And trying to better myself in time. Hope to see you around.. at least by urbanscape.. maybe we could have mc deluxe again.

singers not strippers...

If you switch on MTV or Channel V now days, you might be a little worried (especially parents). Because the current singers fashion statement is so miss leading. So what are they trying to promote? Their song or their skin..? Whatever happens to the good all days where singers are good yet classy singers such as Alicia Keys? Not saying that these new artist is not talented. But a real artist has the ability to make head turns with their skill not skin. As usual in the public eyes, sex sells. It’s sad actually. Life is more than just that. We should appreciate it much better.

That’s why I prefer all those indie artist. Because all they have is raw untapped talent. As usual any new artist that breakthrough the mainstream chart, are they themselves. But after awhile, the next couple of album is a bit swayed to their fans liking. I’m not saying it happen to all of them. A good example Matchbox 20. When they come out, they were great, 1st album and also 'Mad Season' was nice. Then the come out with an album they was not even consider mainstream. Yet they still are good. They are just being themselves.

I support music and talent. Do you?